


your love is sunlight (sunlight)

by IzzieBee



Category: The Rookie (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Baby!Fic, Cuties, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzieBee/pseuds/IzzieBee
Summary: “Do you think I could do this?” Lucy looked up at him, the baby, curling deeper into her arms.“I think you can do anything you put your mind too,” Tim said, before pausing and adding, “Boot.”ORHow Lucy, Tim and baby Eileen become a family.
Relationships: Tim Bradford/Lucy Chen
Comments: 39
Kudos: 234





	1. love and it's decisive pain

**Author's Note:**

> This is post-cannon, where Lucy has been a beat cop (not rookie) for 6 months, and Tim is waiting for an opening as a Sergeant. Don't have to read my other fic to understand what's going on :)
> 
> I know I said I was going to write a FWB fic, and I have about 1,000 words of that done, but I love this idea, so I went for it.

Lucy tended to jump into things. 

In college she took Anthropology 101 her junior year, and after one class she changed her major. She saw an ad for the Academy, realized it could really piss off her parents and soon she had a new career. She saw her apartment, got a good feeling about it, and she was signing a lease two hours later. Once she got through her probationary year, she knew immediately that Jackson should be her partner (well, after a brief moment where she wanted to ask Tim, but then he told her he was not going to be assigned a partner as he waited for a sergeants spot to open up). 

When she realized she liked a guy she was all in. At the beginning, anyway. 

(She didn’t have a great track record of guys being as sure about her as she was about them). 

Her parents called her impulsive, Lucy called it decisive. 

When she shared this pattern with Tim, on some never ending stake-out where she tended to talk about things she never planned to share in an effort to keep her eyes open, he just nodded. 

“That’s what makes you a cop,” Tim shrugged, “We can’t worry over every decision, you have to be-” 

“Decisive,” Lucy said, suddenly not feeling tired anymore. 

“Exactly,” Tim nodded, “Doesn’t mean you are always making the right decision though, look at Nolan, boot” 

Lucy had rolled her eyes at that, but she had also laughed, which made Tim grin. 

That had been before Caleb, of course, and the oil barrel and being buried alive and not being able to fall asleep for three weeks. All of a sudden, not having good judgment was no longer, at all or a little bit, funny. Tim had sat by her bedside in the hospital, bought her six packs of cheap beer and watched dumb movies with her. Jackson bought her concealer and held her hand as she got the tattoo removed. She went to therapy and she had slowly healed. 

As she got through her probationary year, and first few months as a cop, not rookie, she still remained, however, hopelessly… decisive.

(Maybe a bit reckless). 

Well, mostly. 

Sometimes she looked over at Tim, as they sat on either end of a couch, beers in hand and the game playing somewhere in the distance, and she would think…

Just say something, anything, about how you really feel. 

He’s not your T.O. anymore, he’s not dating Rachel anymore, he’s not even going to be at the same station as her in a few months. 

But something stopped her, something about him made it hard to be reckless. 

(He meant so much to her, and more than that, his opinion of her meant more than anyone’s ever had; she wanted him to believe in her, to think she was capable, she wanted him to love-

It was much too dangerous for her to be reckless around Tim, especially when he always seemed to be there to catch her when she fell). 

So she put those thoughts away, and she went to work with Jackson, riding beside her in their shop. They took calls and she laughed, and she tried not to wonder. 

It was a foggy February morning, when that calm, steady routine was completely disrupted. A routine complaint, suspicious smells and sounds coming from a rundown apartment, in a nearly abandoned building. She went through the call, almost relying on her muscle memory. Her body knew, by now, who goes through the door first, where to check.

Then she heard something. 

“Did you hear that,” Lucy asked, turning around wildly. 

She had Tim, still, in the back of her head, all these months from when they were in the same shop. Did she check all the exits? Does she have a way out? Has she thought of all the possibilities?

“Lucy,” Jackson’s brows furrowed, “I’m not sure what you-”

Jackson was interrupted by a crystal clear wail. That couldn’t be though-

Lucy was already through the door, ignoring Tim, in the back of her head, demands that she watch her back and be careful. 

There in the middle of this drug den, all alone, was a baby, maybe six months old.

(Lucy really didn’t know anything about babies, so she could have been way off). 

She was sitting up, on a mattress on the floor, and a few blankets, crying her eyes out, her cheeks bright red, and her fists shaking up and down. 

“Hello, darling,” Lucy cooed, trying to swallow down disgust and panic, as she kneeled down to pick up the baby.

Who in their right mind would just leave a baby in a place like this? Who would abandon their child at all? 

Sometimes this job made her hate humanity, and all of the things they were capable of. 

As soon as she picked up the baby, her wails subsided, and they just started blinking up at Lucy. She checked, and she seemed physically all right. No bruises or marks, and even a clean diaper. 

Someone must have been there recently, and somebody made the choice to leave their baby there, too. 

West drove them to the hospital, and she knew everything she needed to know, as soon as that little baby gripped her thumb. 

This baby was perfect, and someone had chosen to throw her away. 

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Tim heard, over the radio, that “Chen and West” were heading to the hospital and his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. 

He knew, in all likelihood, they were just going to talk with a suspect, or check in with a victim, but it didn’t stop his head from spinning awful what ifs.

Tim wasn’t used to this, it was like his heart was walking outside his chest; it was so much easier when they were riding together, and he was the one watching her back. It hadn’t been like this with any other former rookie, ever. Even with Isabelle, he had been able to keep it together (maybe it was because he was young and stupid, and he thought they were invincible, he was older now, and was under no such illusion). 

They were friends, though, he reasoned with himself. Ever since Lucy’s kidnapping, things had shifted, and they hung out sometimes (at least three times a week). She was his friend. Of course he worried. 

Sometimes when he was lying awake, and he was more honest with himself, than he was usually willing, he would remember that he didn’t worry about Bishop, or Lopez the way he did about Lucy.

(He only called her Lucy in his head, never Chen). 

Tim realized he hadn’t really taken a breath, until an hour later, he had an excuse to go to the same hospital that he heard, over the radio, that Lucy and West were at. 

(He ignored that realization, which he was getting pretty good at). 

He almost ran into her, literally. Lucy was pacing outside an exam room in the ICU, and he did a quick scan and she didn’t seem sick or injured- 

Just worried, very worried. 

“Oh,” Lucy stopped her pacing for a moment, and locked her eyes on his, “Hey Tim.”

“Chen,” Tim’s eyes narrowed, scanning the area now, trying to find the cause of her anxiety, “You okay?

“Okay?” Lucy looked confused, and then a look of realization crossed her face, “Oh, I’m fine, just waiting for-”

A doctor came out bouncing a baby, in the tiniest hospital gown he had ever seen and a mess of black curls, who immediately reached their arms out towards Lucy.

“Hello,” She cooed in response, taking the baby from the doctors arms, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. 

“Want to fill me in?” Tim raised an eyebrow. 

“We found her at a scene,” Lucy shifted the baby girl to her hip, rocking back and forth slightly, “Took her here to get checked out. Doctor Mitchel-”

“She’s doing well,” She smiled, answering the unasked question, “There are some signs of neglect, but no abuse. We will keep her here for observation for a couple of hours and then call social services-”

“I’ll stay with her,” Lucy said quickly, “Be the point person-”

“Chen- '' Tim could see her getting attached, and then getting her heart broken, in quick succession. 

He also knew, when she decided on something, there was no getting in her way. 

“Is there a problem with that Officer Bradford?” Lucy’s voice was firm, decisive, if he wasn’t so annoyed at her stubbornness, he would have been proud. 

“Of course not,” Tim said easily, “See you soon, Officer Chen.”

Something flashed across Lucy’s face, but soon it was replaced by determination, yet again. 

West came around the corner and greeted Tim, before turning back to Lucy. 

“I found records of who was renting the apartment, a woman and man” Jackson said quickly, “They hadn’t paid rent in a few months, but the women had a baby in this hospital, five months ago-”

“Did you find-” Lucy started to ask, and Tim noticed her bring the baby closer to her body, just a little bit. 

“Mom and Dad?” Jackson asked, and shook his head, “No father on the birth certificate, maybe it was the guy she was living with, maybe not. We do know that the Mom has an armed robbery warrant out for her, and a few possession arrests. Probably why she ran, the robbery was a few days ago.” 

“Right,” Lucy nodded, “What’s the baby’s name?”

“Eileen,” Jackson’s voice softened, “On the birth certificate, her name was Eileen Turner.”

“That name suits you,” Lucy said seriously to the baby girl, “Doesn’t it?”

Eileen giggled and shook her chubby fists and Lucy laughed, and Tim felt like he was, somehow, intruding.

“Bye Chen,” Tim said, and Lucy looked over at him, “West.” 

“Bye Tim,” Lucy smiled, her voice softer than it was before. 

Tim went about the rest of his day, and tried to get the look of Eileen and Lucy together out of his head. 

(They seemed right together, and Tim was sure that Lucy was going to get her heart broken). 

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Lucy went through her day in a fog. She was worried, terrified, and unbelievably sad, all at once for this tiny, baby girl. When Eileen was released from the hospital, she volunteered to wait for social services, not ready to let this tiny girl, who had already survived so much, out of her sight. 

So she set herself up with some supplies that the hospital sent her way, in the break room (getting some truly hilarious looks from the grizzled beat cops, stopping in for their 5th coffee of the day). 

Every moment with Eileen, made her more sure of what she had already been sure of in the ride to the hospital. She felt like she owed something to this girl, but also that her and Eileen were, somehow meant to be. 

She had never really dreamed of being a mom, but now- 

She was just sure that this was what she wanted to do, what she needed to do. 

She had done some frantic googling, of expedited foster licensing. She had to have a physical and background checks for work, and she could get the rest of the paperwork done quickly, and if she pulled some strings, she could have someone inspect the apartment in under a week-

“Hey, Nolan said you would be here-” Tim started, as he stood stiffly in the doorway. His eyes fell onto Eileen, who was fast asleep in the crook of Lucy’s arm. 

“I didn’t want to leave her with someone who doesn’t know her,” Lucy replied quickly, “Until social services comes, I mean.”

“Sure,” Tim said, as he moved an empty bottle, and onesie, so he could sit next to her. 

“She’s perfect. This baby is perfect,” Lucy whispered, her heart breaking all over again, “She doesn’t have anyone, and she’s perfect.”

“I’m twenty-nine,” Lucy bit her lip, and looked imploringly at Tim, as though she could help him understand her. 

“I am aware, Chen,” Tim said, shooting her a look, before fixing his eye’s on Eileen again. 

“Lots of people have kids a lot younger than twenty nine-” Lucy reasoned, “And I wouldn’t be a mom, just a foster mom-” 

“Lucy-”

“I have looked into it,” Lucy said quickly, “I could get a foster license in a couple of weeks. Plus, lots of people raise kids in single parent households.”

“Are you serious about this?” Tim didn’t look like he was judging her, and she was thankful for that. She didn’t think she could handle it if he was. 

She already felt like one raw nerve. 

“I just know,” Lucy murmured “I can’t explain it better than that.”

“During shift-”

“My parents have flexible schedules,” Lucy answered Tim’s half asked question, “They only see a couple of patients a week now-”

“Do you have room-” 

“Jackson moved in with Sterling a month ago,” Lucy tilted her head, trying to remember if he knew that or not, “I haven’t gotten a roommate in the spare bedroom.”

“Okay,” Tim nodded, looking like he was thinking. 

“Do I sound crazy?” Lucy’s voice broke, and she fixed her eyes on the dirty tile in front of her. 

“You sound,” Tim paused, looking at Lucy then Eileen, again, “Determined.”

“So a little bit crazy?” Lucy tried to smile. 

“Maybe,” Tim shrugged, “What matters is, do you think this is crazy?”

“Yah,” Lucy said, “I just, I think I am supposed to do this. Maybe I reunite her with her grandmother, or long lost father, or even rehabilitated mother, in a month or year, maybe she’s with me forever. I just, when I know-”

“You know,” Tim finished her sentence, with a crooked half smile, that melted her insides a little. 

(Maybe more than a little).

“I think I have to try,” Lucy said, looking at Eileen, her cheeks pink, long black eyelashes curling up, snoring slightly as she slept, “I won’t forgive myself if I don’t try.”

Tim didn’t say anything, and she looked at him, and for better or worse it was his opinion that mattered more than anyones. More than her parents (who would call her dangerously reckless, she was sure, before they caved and demanded to see their granddaughter) or West (who would have that concerned look that always made her feel awful for worrying him). It was Tim, her hardass T.O, the voice in her head, the star of some of her hazziest, dreamiest, most embarrassing hopes, whose opinion would make or break her. 

“Do you think I could do this?” Lucy looked up at him, the baby, curling deeper into her arms. 

“I think you can do anything you put your mind too,” Tim said, before pausing and adding, “Boot.”

“Okay,” Lucy looked down at Eileen, tears welling up in her eyes, “Okay.”


	2. fierce affirming light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby Eileen arrives, and Lucy grow closer, and apart.

It worried Lucy, more than a little bit, how easy it was to get a foster license.

Everyone seemed very comfortable leaving her with an infant, or anyone who filled out the right forms in the right order, an infant. While she was partially grateful for this expiditing process, it also opened up a lot of questions and concerns about the state of foster care and child welfare in the United States. 

Between shifts at work she filled out form after form, tracked down records and sent to child services, and showed social workers, nervously, around her apartment. In two weeks she was given the all clear, and she had an appointment for the following Saturday to bring baby Eileen home. 

In a two and a half week blur she broke the news to her parents (her mother, apparently, was more concerned with grandchildren than getting Lucy married off, and had been surprisingly cool about it), and to the rest of the station (Sergeant Grey had been characteristically even keeled, bordering on dismissive about it all, and after a lecture on getting too attached on the job, approved two weeks of paid parental leave). 

Angela had thrown her a baby shower at the station, forcing Tim, Jackson and Nolan to play games, and old, grizzled beat cops to buy her pacifiers, and stuffed animals. She laughed as they put a measuring tape around her very not-pregnant belly, and posed for photos with her “mama to be” sash and tiara clashing with her uniform. She left with enough stuff to fill two nurseries. 

She was thankful, for that, because the notion of transforming Jackson’s old room from storage to a nursery had been a constant worry. It was easier once she drafted Jackson, Nolan and Tim to come over to build the crib, and paint the walls, she didn’t even need to bribe them with pizza and beer, (although they excepted it happily). 

Then she was standing in Jackson’s old room, now thoroughly Eileen’s room, the walls painted a dusty pink, that she had picked out, figuring it was calming, and not too, horribly gender normative. She filled the cabinet with onesies, and hung up the mobile Tim got her, with little dancing sheep (she had wanted to tease him about it, but she just felt a lump form in her throat; she had told him once, that that was the kind of mobile that used to be in her nursery).

“The nursery is beautiful Lucy,” her social worked smiled; her name was Julie, on the last inspection, a few days before Eileen was supposed to arrive. 

“Thanks,” Lucy looked around, feeling pretty proud or how quickly it had all came together. She quelled a bit of panic that came bubbling up with a deep breath. 

She could do this, for Eileen, she could do this. 

“You know that this might not,” Julie had a well meaning, slightly patronizing smile on, “Our job is to aim for family reunification, always.”

“I know,” Lucy said, nodding, she knew that, she really did. 

Julie checked the last few boxes, and Lucy was approved. Both Jackson and Tim offered to be there when Eileen arrived, but she turned them both down, this just felt like something she had to do for herself. 

She just didn’t like thinking about that, at all. It should have been a relief. She would get to be with Eileen, and help shepherd her to her rightful family. How could it be, that after 6 hour, Lucy already felt like her rightful family?

She never believed in love at first sight, but sitting in passenger seat of their shop, Eileen swaddled up in a sweatshirt she had left in the trunk, that baby blinking up at her, as she reached and took her thumb, laughing as she did. How could she be laughing, when all she had known in her short life was neglect, and yet here she was laughing and smiling, as Lucy made faces and played peek a boo. 

The idea that Lucy might not be cut out for all of this, that was way more scary, way more overwhelming. She wanted to be in Eileen's life, but what if she sucked at this? She would always have PTSD, and her job was incredibly dangerous. She had been called selfish by three consecutive boyfriends (this was usually after she refused to be a doormat, but still, not a great track record). Tim had to adopt her therapy dog, for gods sake, when she couldn’t handle Cujo’s tantrum, what would happen when Eileen entered her terrible twos? 

What if she was terrible at this. She had the nursery set up, parental leave, a child care schedule meticulously planned out, and she had even made some calls to pre-schools, but none of this would matter if she was a terrible mother. 

The night before, Eileen arrived, these wonderings turned into knawing doubts, and she found herself calling Tim, before she knew what she was doing. 

“Am I making an awful mistake?” Lucy said, as soon as he answered his phone, “What if I ruin her, and she hates me forever and-”

“Lucy,” Tim interrupted her, “You are not going to ruin her, she’s not going to hate you.”

“You had to adopt Cujo-” 

“You had been kidnapped 6 weeks before hand,” Tim said firmly, “It’s reasonable that you weren’t ready yet-”

“It’s been a year, who says I’m ready now-”

“I do.” Tim said, simply. 

“How do you know?” Lucy whispered. Their was a pause, and Lucy realized maybe he didn’t hear her, so she opened her mouth to repeat the question when Tim interrupted her. 

“Because I know you, Lucy,” Tim said, “You always do right by everyone, even people you don’t love, hell people you don’t know. You always have, you always will. One look at you and Eileen, and I knew you loved her, right from the start. It’s not going to be easy, and your going to screw up, but you will be okay.”

“You sure?” Lucy hated how hopeful she sounded. 

“I’m sure Boot,” She could hear Tim smiling, “When your settled you, me and Cujo can hit the park. Can’t have that baby girl stuck inside all day, not when the weather is finally bearable. That heat wave stretched through August-”

“Thanks Tim,” Lucy wiped away tears, she hadn’t notice falling, “Really.”

“Anytime,” Tim replied, quickly. 

“Goodnight Tim,” Lucy was already laying down, head on her pillow, eyes’s closed, feeling like a weight had been lifted off her chest. 

“Goodnight Lucy,” She could hear Cujo bark in the background and it made her smile. 

Lucy slept better that night, than she had the previous week combined. Then it was time to get ready, for Eileen to arrive, and it felt like she was waiting forever (more like three hours) but finally she heard a nock at the door. 

There was Julie, holding Eileen, with a binky in her mouth, wildly shaking a toy rabbit. 

One look at Eileen, and it was all worth it. 

“Do you want to hold her?” Julie asked, and like Eileen understood her words, or remembered Lucy, she reached out her arms. 

Lucy answered by pulling Eileen into her arms.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Tim wasn’t expecting to miss Lucy as much as he had. After she called him, the night before Eileen was supposed to arrive, she had texted him a couple of times, but other than that, it was the longest they had gone from seeing each other since he had become her T.O, a year and a half before. 

He was half expecting her to call in a panic, so he could swoop in, but he should have known better. She had always been able to take care of herself; she was more than self sufficient, she had a fierce independent streak that he had always admired (not that he had ever had the guts to tell her that). 

So he found himself looking at his phone more often then usual, hoping that she would text him. He wondered if he could just stop buy, or text if he could come over, but he always stopped himself. 

This time was about her and Eileen, not him, it didn’t matter how much he wanted to see Lucy. It would be selfish to impose. 

That didn’t stop him, however, from jumped at her offer, the weekend before she was supposed to be back from her parental leave, to come over and see Eileen. 

She opened the door with a huge grin, and frizzy hair, and a too big for her Academy shirt. 

(She looked beautiful-

She always looked beautiful). 

She threw her arms over his shoulders and gave him a hug, before bouncing back into the room, leaving Tim feeling slightly whiplashed. 

“Come on Tim,” Lucy called behind her, “Time to meet Eileen, officially.” 

Tim couldn’t do anything but follow. 

Lucy scooped Eileen out of her play pen, and he heard the baby giggle, and screech-

Definitely Lucy’ kid. 

“How are you?” Lucy asked as she placed Eileen into his arm, unceremoniously.

“Shouldn’t we-”

“She is the absolutely most friendly baby, I have ever met,” Lucy waived away his concern, looking more than a little proud, “You should see how she took to my parents who are not the warmest people. She is absolutely in love with Jackson-”

“Jackson’s visited?” Tim tried to keep his voice even. 

“Well yah,” Lucy said, “ Nolan too, I mean they practically knocked down my door. Grace brought a casserole, and Angela came over to watch the Great British Bake Off-” 

Tim turned his attention back to Eileen, bobbing slightly, and tried to swallow down the stupid, undeserved jealousy. He could have brought something over, or asked to meet Eileen, after all. He felt like he was 13-years-old, and he waiting for the right moment to ask Rebecca Stern to the dance, only to find out she had said yes to some guy the day before-

(Not that, this was anything like that). 

“I’m really glad you’re here Tim,” Lucy said, softly, sitting on the couch. Tim came over and joined her. 

She was right, Eileen was a remarkably friendly baby, she had not stopped babbling since he was handed her, and had a vice grip in his T-shirt. 

“Thanks. 

“Next time bring Cujo,” Lucy said, more animated now, “We can go on that walk. I mean, if you come and visit again-”

“I’ll be here anytime you want.”

Lucy’s cheeks turned slightly pink and she cleared her throat. 

He realized what that sounded like, and he averted his eyes. 

“We miss you around the station.” Tim wasn’t sure why that was the thing, he thought was going to dig him out of the whole of his own making. 

“Yah?” Lucy asked, one eyebrow lifted. 

Tim looked away quickly, focusing on the giggling baby girl in front of him.

“Jackson especially,” Tim shrugged, “Been wandering around like a lost duckling.” 

Lucy rolled her eyes. 

“He’s fine,” Lucy brushed hair out of her hair, “I’m sure. It will be nice to go back to work. It’s been nice though, Just me and Eileen.”

Tim nodded, and Lucy smiled, and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, Eileen, crawling back and forth between them. 

“Your really good with her,” Lucy said, matter of factly. 

“I’m good at everything,” Tim said, all mock seriousness, “You know that.”

“Of course I do,” Lucy rolled her eyes, again, “Sergeant Bradford.” 

She was smiling thought, and he wondered what he wouldn’t do, to make her smile. 

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

It was harder, than she imagined being a cop and a single mother (and she imagined it was going to be pretty difficult). She had imagined the sleepless nights (they were worse), the tantrums (they were louder) and the disagreements with her parents over her parenting decision (even more passive aggressive then she imagine). 

Leaving her, everyday, was the hardest part. She was a wreck that first day, and it had only gotten fractions every day since. 

She was thankful that she was seeing Tim more, now, than she was when Eileen had just arrived. It was odd, everyone else was clambering to see the baby, to visit, to bring things, but Tim had been practically radio silent. She was grateful, that since she was back to work, that they continued their ritual of afterwork beers (of course now they sipped them in her apartment while Eileen slept, or with The Wiggles, in the background, not the NBA).

They were just talking, about something innocuous, something safe, when Lucy found herself saying what she had been thinking, but hadn’t had the courage to say. 

“It’s really hard to go to work,” Lucy blurted out. 

“Yah,” Tim put his beer down, and his eyes flashed to Eileen’s crib, visible from the open door of the nursery. 

“God, she’s like,” Lucy continued, figuring, if she was going to be honest, she might as well be honest about all of it “My heart outside my chest, you know?”

“Yah,” Tim sunk further into the couch, and regarded the two of them, “I know.”

“I don’t think you do,” Lucy didn’t say it to be harsh, but it felt true. 

“Sure,” Tim shrugged, not looking offended, “But I believe you, is all I meant.”

“Thanks,” Lucy felt embarrassed, at that, and shifted uncomfortably, hoping that they could change the subject from something less volatile-

“Want to visit Echo Park,” Tim asked, “You, me and Cujo this weekend-” 

Before he could finish Lucy interrupted. 

“That sounds perfect.”

A few day’s latter, she packed up Eileen with more stuff than seemed possible (for a tiny human, she sure needed a lot of stuff), and met Tim at Echo Park. They wandered and through a tennis balls for Cujo, and Lucy was pretty sure Eileen’s first words were either going to be Tim or Doggy, because she was obsessed with both. 

She slowly felt all the stress from the week, the hard cases, the worries about Eileen, fade away into something manageable, and she felt something close to joy fill her chest like a balloon. 

She went to buy ice cream, leaving Tim, with Eileen, and taking Cujo’s leash, looking over at them (too often), and she couldn’t get the grin off her face. 

He really was so good with her-

“You have a beautiful family,” Lucy’s thoughts were interrupted by the woman in line behind her, who was grinning flitting her eyes from Lucy and Cujo, back to Tim and Eileen. 

Lucy should have corrected her, said that Tim was just a friend, but the words got stuck in her throat. 

“Thank you,” Lucy croaked out. 

The woman smiled and it was like the wind was knocked out of her. 

She bought her and Tim’s ice cream, and walked back over, half in a daze. 

Did the three of them look like they belonged to one another? That they could be in the same home, eating dinner together, going on trips to the park?

It had been three weeks since she had gone back to work, and she had seen Tim half a dozen times, but that was because they were friends, right?

What caught her more off guard was not the crush on Tim (she had one since he was her T.O, although she had never wanted to admit it, even to herself), or even how easily a pretty picture formed in her head of the three of the, a family unit with Cujo making mischief in the background. 

What caught Lucy off guard, more than anything, was that the idea of the three of them sharing a life didn’t scare her.

It just felt right. 

Lucy sat down and handed him the ice cream, and they sat for a little bit, Eileen dozing, Cujo, uncharacteristically worn out, and she just knew. She just knew what she wanted (that decisiveness and recklessness that never seemed to apply to her and Tim, finally seemed to reach a tipping point.) 

“So um,” Lucy was fiddling with her near empty ice cream cup, “I know that dating as a single mother is complicated-”

“Dating?” Tim asked looking confused, which wasn’t a great start, all things considered. 

“Yah,” Lucy looked over, trying not to sound like a hopeful rookie, “You know me, dating y-”

“You should go on a date,” Tim said quickly his voice even, like he was talking about his taxes of something, “Whose the guy?”

“What guy?” Lucy asked, and then she remembered the week before-“Oh a guy at the gym gave me his number last week. I guess I could, I will call him back.”

“Will you run a-”

“Background check?” Lucy answered, smiling humourlessly, “Of course.”

“Good,” Tim nodded, “Good.”

“I’ll call him,” Lucy smiled, a quick flash of a smile “Thanks Tim.”

Lucy nodded, swallowing back a lump in her throat, wondering if she even had that guys number. 

She felt like the worlds biggest idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is staying safe, healthy, and overall doing well. 
> 
> I hope you are enjoying this fic! Kudos and comments are much appreciated it.


	3. sweet as cherry wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy tried to enjoy getting ready for her date. Tried enjoying picking out an outfit, of putting on her make up, curling her hair. 
> 
> Her heart just wasn’t in it. 
> 
> OR 
> 
> Going on a date will help Lucy get over Tim, right?

Lucy tried to enjoy getting ready for her date. Tried enjoying picking out an outfit, of putting on her make up, curling her hair. 

Her heart just wasn’t in it. 

She could have pretended the reason for her lackluster feelings was her mother in her living room, dragging her feet after babysitting Eileen during Lucy’s shift. Her mother, true to form, kept shouting over innocent suggestions, that came out as passive aggressive acquisitions. 

(Yes, she actually was wearing this shirt, thanks for asking Mom). 

She could have convinced herself that it was too hard being away from Eileen; it was hard, but that wasn’t really at the root of it, the pang of leaving Eileen would have been worth it if-

(Tim was taking her on a date, to some steak house that was too expensive, or even just to cheap taco’s around the corner; if he knocked on the door, looking nervous, and kissed her goodnight when he brought her home-)

Well, if things were different. 

They weren’t, she tried to be firm with herself, to be realistic.

She was going on this date, she was going to smile and laugh and have a good time. She was going use this as an opportunity to move on, even if just a little. 

Maybe she wasn’t ready to move on, but she was ready to try. 

(She couldn’t make Tim love her, like she loved him, but she didn’t have to wallow). 

At least that’s what she kept telling herself. 

Her plan would have been easier if Tim wasn’t, well Tim. 

Of course Tim had offered to babysit, when she mentioned that her Mom had to leave by seven, and she would have to cancel her date for tonight. 

Because he was a good guy, her friend, and the bastard who was making it impossible to fall out of love with him. 

(It would be so much easier if she could just hate him.) 

There was a knock at the door, by the time Lucy had run into the living room, her mother had already opened the door. 

“Now who is this?” Her mom exclaimed, “Well, now I understand why you just had to go on a date last minute-”

She couldn’t really blame her mom. He was standing there leaning against the doorway looking like some James Dean, day dream-

(Listening to Taylor Swift could get real dangerous, real fast). 

“Mom, this is Tim,” Lucy winced, trying no to look at Tim who was, of course, smirking, “I’ve told you about him. My former T.O. now he’s my-”

Lucy’s mom looked hopefully to Tim, who smiled, disarmingly.

(Bastard). 

“Friend,” Tim supplied quickly, “And sometimes babysitter.” 

“Oh,” She looked markedly disappointed; Lucy would have laughed if she didn’t want to roll her eyes into the back of her skull. 

Her mother threw her a dark look, and now that was really unfair. 

She wanted to shout, ‘I’d like to be going on a date with him too, but he doesn’t want to, so-”

“He’s babysitting so I can go on a date,” Lucy reminded her mother, trying not to raise her voice, trying to keep it even,“Remember. I really meant that you could go as soon as I went home.”

“Hmm,” Lucy’s mom didn’t look convinced. 

“Bye Mom,” Lucy hugged her quickly, and wheeled her towards the door, while her mother looked back and forth between her and Tim, as though she was trying to solve a puzzle, and she was dangerously close to finding the answer. 

Lucy avoided looking at Tim, as she waived goodbye to her mom at the door. 

“Goodnight Lucy,” Her mom said, giving her a meaningful look,“Goodnight Officer Bradford.” 

Lucy winced as she closed the door; she was going to get an earful next time she saw her. 

“Sorry about her,” Lucy said, smiling apologetically, as she walked over to the play pen in the living room where Eileen was mesmerized by a mobile. 

“It’s fine,” Tim said, shrugging, as Lucy scooped up Eileen, “I know how Mom’s can be.”

“Yah,” Lucy forced a smile back on her face. Eileen, of course, was just as excited about Tim’s arrival as her grandma was. As she walked towards Tim, Eileen started waving her chubby fists, reaching out towards him. 

“Someone’s excited,” Lucy grinned, and for the fist time since Tim arrived, it came easily, “I’ll try not to be jealous, but she really loves you.”

She regretted it, as soon as she said ‘love’, she felt like an awful spotlight was turned on her. 

Of course Tim seemed oblivious, and just took Eileen from her arms, the baby girl looking absolutely delighted. 

“Well I should be-” Lucy started, putting her hands in her pockets, not sure what to do with them all of a sudden. 

“You look really nice,” Tim interrupted her, “You look beautiful.”

Lucy had to swallow back tears, none of this was fair. He couldn’t tell her that, while holding her child, and then not love her. 

It was cruel, and if he kept this up, she would always be in love with him. 

(Did she even want to fall out of love with him?)

“Thanks,” Lucy nodded, and turned away so Tim couldn’t see her face. She grabbed her purse, her keys, trying to keep her expression neutral, her hands busy. 

“Is your date meeting you here,” Tim asked, as he bounced Eileen, who giggled, “Or-”

“We are meeting at the restaurant.” Lucy said, trying to touch up her lipgloss in the mirror by the door, but her hands were shaking, “Umm, thanks for doing this.” 

A look flashed across Tim’s face so fast she couldn’t read it.

Maybe he thought she was irresponsible, making herself a single mother than trying to date? He had seemed genuine when he offered to babysit. 

She didn’t owe him anything, but his opinion of her still mattered to her in a way it had never mattered with anyone. It didn’t matter how long ago it was when they rode in a shop together, didn’t matter how much time passed. 

It mattered to her. 

“Bye, Tim,” Lucy murmured, as she slid out the door. 

She didn’t look back. 

Lucy was in her head, all the way to the restaurant. 

And for most of the dinner. 

Mark was nice, genuinely, nice. He was interested in her job, and asked good questions. Had this been a year or two ago, she would be carving out time in her schedule to see him again, by the time appetizers came. 

Her heart just wasn’t in it.

Mark was a good guy, probably a great guy but-

He wasn’t Tim. 

“Thanks this was fun,” Lucy said, as they paused in front of the restaurant; she insisted he didn’t need to walk her to her car-

(Tim wouldn’t have taken no for an answer, but that wasn’t fair-)

“Was it?” Mark said, not unkindly. 

Lucy opened her mouth, ready to insist that he was wrong, but she couldn’t lie to another person, especially when she had spent the last week lying to herself.

“Sorry, I’m,” Lucy took a deep breath, and let a shaky one out,“Getting over someone. I thought I could. I mean, I thought I was, anyway.”

“Lucy-” 

“I’m not ready,” Lucy said quickly, and the truth crashed down on her. 

It was going to take a lot more to get over Tim. 

“It’s okay,” He smiled at her, and gave a small little wave “Let me know, if you get ready.” 

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Tim wandered around Lucy’s apartment, rocking Eileen as he went, after she left, for a while. 

He was her friend, she wanted him to be her friend. He wasn’t going to force his feelings down her throat, make her feel guilty for going on dates, or having a life. 

He wasn’t that guy, he refused to be that guy. 

It didn’t stop his chest from seizing up when he thought of Lucy with another man being with her, starting a life with her. 

He was always going to be in love with her, but that was his problem, not hers. 

So he put Eileen to bed, (after reading her Harold and the Purple Crayon, four times), and tried not to pace her apartment as he waited for Lucy to come home. 

Lucy slipped inside, while Tim was trying his best to not vibrate out of skin, around ten. 

“Hey Tim,” Lucy smiled, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes. Tim tilted his head to the side, trying to read if she was just tired, or if the date went badly-

(Even if he didn’t want Lucy settling down with some other guy, if he had not been a gentlemen in anyway-)

“Have fun?” Tim said, in his best impression of nonchalance (he had a feeling it was not very convincing.

“Yah,” Lucy kicked off her shoes, while taking her earrings off, her voice sharp all of a sudden “It was fun.”

“Good,” Tim stood up, not knowing what to do with his hands all of a sudden, “Good.”

“Eileen go to sleep, okay?” Lucy wouldn’t look at him, and Tim didn’t know what to do. 

“Yah, she went down easy.”

“That’s my girl,” Lucy smiled for the first time since she got home. 

“Yah.”

Lucy still wouldn’t look at him. 

“Well-” Tim started to say goodnight, ready to go home and sulk, when Lucy interrupted him.

“It was fun,” Lucy said, fixing Tim with a hard stare, “My date, but it’s not going anywhere.”

“Why?” Tim closed the distance between them. 

If he had done something, and he could make it right-

Lucy opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again. 

“Goodnight, Tim.” Lucy turned away from him, and started to walk towards the door of her bedroom. 

“Lucy,” Tim asked, thoroughly confused, “What-”

“I want,” Lucy started, tears welling up in her eyes, “God, I wanted to go on a date with you.”

Tim felt like the wind was knocked out him. 

“I am crazy about you,” Lucy hissed, “can’t you see that. You spend half your time off with us, and your’re you. You are so good with Eileen, and you have always been so great to me, and I have been falling, and you are oblivious and you don’t lo-like me like I like you. 

“Lucy,” Tim whispered, trying to find his voice, but feeling vaguely light headed. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Tears were now streaming down Lucy’s face, and he felt like the worlds biggest asshole, “Just leave.”

“I don’t want to leave,” Tim said, firmly, and Lucy came forward, looking like she was going to throw something at him (which he, honestly, wouldn’t put past her). 

“Tim-”

“I want you,” Tim’s voice cracked, “God, I have always wanted you-”  
No it was Lucy who looked like the wind was knocked out of her lungs. 

“Then why didn’t you say anything,” Lucy whispered, “Why did you let me go on a date with someone else.” 

“Because-” Tim started, but Lucy put a hand up to stop him. 

“Do you really want this,” Lucy said slowly, her voice guarded, “Or are you just jealous, or like protective or some other Tim Bradford bullshit. If you are in, you have to be all in. This isn’t just about me, but the baby girl in there. If you are not in, 100 percent in, I have to move on-”

“I want you, Lucy,” Tim pointed at the nursery as he said, “But I also want Eileen. I think we could work together, the three of us.”

“Yah,” Lucy looked hopeful, and Tim’s heart broke open. 

Wasn’t it worth it, this love that could rip him open if i fell apart? 

Wouldn’t anything be worth it if it meant that he even got a shot at being a part of this family? 

Tim bridged the distance between them, and took Lucy’s face in his hands, wiping her tears away as he did. 

Lucy closed her eyes and leaned in a fraction of an inch.

“Yah,” Tim said, and it felt like the most true thing he had ever said, “I love you, I am in love with you. We could be a family-”

Lucy kissed him, slow and soft, and he could feel the tears on her face. 

“I love you too,” Lucy said as they broke apart, slightly out of breath, “And it’s a good thing that I do, because you Tim Bradford, are the most infuriating man I have ever met.” 

“Is that right,” Tim let out of a breathless laugh, his hands now on Lucy’s waist, pulling her closer. 

Lucy nodded, a fire in her eyes, and she kissed him, this time there was nothing soft, or slow about it. 

Tim knew that Lucy and Eileen were the hearts living and breathing outside his chest; that if something happened he would never be the same. 

It was worth it, the potential pain of losing them, to get a shot at being with him. 

He never regretted it, jumping off this cliff, with Lucy, holding her hand. 

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

When Lucy knew something, she just knew it. She had always been that way. 

“Decisive,” Tim always insisted, a fond smile on her face,“You’re decisive, not reckless.”

She knew with Eileen, that fostering was never going to be enough for her. The adoption went through a week before Eileen’s third birthday, after months and months of visitations and courtrooms. 

She wasn’t adopting as a single mother though, to her surprise as much as anyone. 

Her and Tim had only been dating for six months, and they were sitting on his front porch, Cujo lounging, sleepily besides them, as Tim played with a laughing, cooing Eileen. 

She just knew. 

“You want to marry me?” Lucy said, and she wasn’t even nervous. 

(She should have been, they hadn’t been dating that long, and Tim had his own history with marriage, and if he had said no it would have crushed her). 

Tim just smiled, shaking his head, looking vaguely bemused. 

“I have a ring in the closet,” Tim said, “But of course you would beat me to the punch. I will marry you, Lucy Chen, any day you will have me.”

They got married a week later, just Lucy, Eileen and Tim at the courthouse. Lucy wore her favorite dress, and her shinny new ring, and she didn’t stop smiling once, the whole day. 

After they got married, it was Tim’s turn for the surprise, finding them a new house in between both of their stations, and in a great school district. 

As they walked through the doors, Lucy knew that was where she wanted to raise Eileen, the home she wanted to build with Tim. 

(When Lucy knew, she knew). 

That had all been years ago now, and the beautiful house was now her home, with a marriage and adoption certificate framed side by side. 

Lucy sipped her coffee, wondering how the hell she could have gotten so damn lucky. 

“What are you smiling about?” Tim asked, kissing her head, as he passed, settling besides her, coffee in hand. 

“Nothing,” Lucy said, tilting her head to look at her husband. 

God, she was lucky. 

“Really?” Tim asked, his eyebrows raised. 

“You calling me a liar?” Lucy rolled her eyes but her voice was teasing. 

“Maybe,” Tim leaned forward and kissed her, and Lucy couldn’t stop smiling, even as his lips met hers. 

“I can’t believe Eileen is not out here already,” Lucy murmured as they broke apart. 

Eileen had been so excited the night before, trying on ever outfit in her dresser, checking the contents of her back pack twelve times. 

“She tuckered herself out,” Tim said his voice rye, “We must have read ‘Oh the Places You’ll Go’ twelve times-”

“God, she’s excited,” Lucy bit her lip “I hope her first day goes alright. Kindergarten, it’s a big change-”

“It’s going to be great,” Tim reached across the table to squeeze her hand, “Don’t stress.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Lucy shot back, but squeezed his hand back. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Tim grinned, and just then Eileen came tumbling down the stairs, in a yellow sundress covered in sunflowers, and her hair a mess of curls, giant smile across her face. 

“Eileen Chen-Bradford,” Tim said, his voice all seriousness, “You look like you could be a first grader.”

“Really?” Eileen’s smile got even bigger, and if possible.

“Really,” Lucy agreed, sipping her coffee, as Eileen twirled. 

Lucy could live with her recklessness, now. If it was what got her here, with the two loves of her life, it was worth it. 

It was all worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of this fic! Thanks for waiting, and please let me know what you think! Comments and Kudos are always appreciated :) If you are following 'no grave (can hold my body down)', I'm going to try to have the next chapter out by Wednesday! 
> 
> Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> I live for comments, and so appreciate kudos :) 
> 
> I am thinking this will be a couple chapters long (I also thought 'that's wasteland, baby' was going to be a one-shot, so who knows).


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